Red Tape

"My Choicest plans have fallen thru, my airiest castles tumbled over

Because of Lines I neatly drew, then later neatly stumbled over."

-Peet Hein  from "Grooks"

The past week has been pretty crummy in the pain management department for Jim.  His back is incredibly painful, and he is anxious for them to start radiation on the most egregious places. We are scheduled for them to plot the places they will radiate, then they fashion what can be best visualized as a stencil made out of special material that will target the painful spots yet protect all other areas, including  his organs, from unnecessary exposure.  He tolerated the radiation perfectly last time, and we hope for the same results.

Other than that, this week has been a time of some of the quiet reflection I've been hiding from for months.  I have joked, in the past,  about marketing a bumper sticker that says, 

 "This is NOT what I expected".  Most of us could relate to this on some level.  Well, it is a cliche come true, in spades, here in the happy valley we call home. 

Clearly, this illness is not what this family expected.   Frankly, Jim has always planned on working into his mid-seventies and beyond, and with luck, that still may be the case, following the example of several of his closest colleagues who are still going strong into their 80's.   He is dedicated to the work of Radiation, Science and Health, (RSH) the non-profit he created.  For many years he worked two jobs, 40 hrs/week for the Commonwealth, and after dinner and on weekends, another 40 or so,  carrying on the mission of RSH.  

In brief, he had a 10 year contract with the Japanese utilities which culminated in a data document that summarized all the studies that prove low-level radiation to be stimulatory to   (and good for) the immune system, and not deleterious down to the last molecule, as the regs. currently stand.   Life, (his, mine and the kids) rotated around this entity, before finally absorbing it as a full fledged member of the family.  This was HIS baby.    So first the Japanese contract ended, the bulk of the work done, and then Jim's health made it hard to find the energy he had always lavished on it.  His conviction remains intact, but the flesh is weak.... sitting up for more than a few minutes is too painful.  

I can't really believe  any of this.  We are relatively young,  I plead in my head.  We never in a million years expected to need Long Term Disability.  Good grief!  Fifteen minutes ago I was 38.  

Looking past the pills and oxygen, I see a 30 year accumulation of  more stuff than anyone can imagine.  The frugal side of me has resisted tossing anything useful until all my pigeons leave the roost.  They might need it says the Marie Barone side of my personality.

SO I have a plan . (Who was that laughing? I'll have no cynics here!)   I have a giant roll of red duct tape and I am going to tackle the attic,  Now it is cold as icicles up there, spitting in the eye of the explanation for why the rest of the house is cold. ("Heat rises, so it all accumulates in the attic" NOT) Everything to pitch out will be prominently marked with wide red tape.  All you blog readers can come by on April Fools day and take as many red-taped pieces as you can carry.  Okay?  Fair enough?  With work I will do the cellar too.  Done.

Next problem?